Nearly half of all Americans suffer some kind of stress, according to the American Institute of Stress.

Stress has been linked to all the leading causes of death – heart disease, cancer and suicide.

The following test was developed by psychologists Lyle H. Miller and Alma Dell Smith at Boston University Medical Center.

Score each item from 1 (almost always) to 5 (never), according to how much of the time each statement applies to you.

1. I eat at least one hot, balanced meal a day.
2. I get seven to eight hours sleep at least four nights a week.
3. I give and receive affection regularly.
4. I have at least one relative within 50 miles on whom I can rely.
5. I exercise to the point of perspiration at least twice a week.
6. I smoke less than a half a pack or cigarettes a day.
7. I take fewer than five alcoholic drinks per week.
8. I am the appropriate weight for my height.
9. I have an income adequate to meet basic expenses.
10. I get strength from my religious beliefs.
11. I have one or more friends to confide in about personal matters.
12. I have a network of friends and acquaintances.
13. I regularly attend club or social activities.
14. I am in good health (including eyesight, hearing, teeth).
15. I am able to speak openly about my feelings when I’m angry or worried.
16. I have regular conversations with the people I live with about domestic problems,  including chores, money and daily living issues.
17. I do something for fun at least once a week.
18. I am able to organize my time effectively.
19. I drink fewer than three cups of coffee (or tea or soda) a day.
20. I take quiet time for myself during the day.

TOTAL: To find out your score, add up the figures and subtract 20. Any number over 30 indicates a vulnerability to stress. You are seriously vulnerable if your score is between 50 and 75, and extremely vulneralbe if it is over 75.

Source: The Stress Audit, developed by Lyle H. Miller and Alma Dell Smith, 1993 Biobehavioral Associates, Brookline, Mass.

Guidelines for Managing and Modeling Anger with Children

When you are so angry that you think that you might lose your temper and hit or scream at your child

Find a way to calm yourself down so that you do not do or say something you will be sorry for later.

• Take a few deep breaths
• Tell your children what you are doing
• Take a time out. Go to another room.
• Try to do something with your hands to keep them busy:
• Cook something. Wash a counter. Clean something.
• Draw. Write what you are feeling. Just scribble.
• Count backwards from 10. Listen to music.
• If your children are old enough to be left alone or if there is another adult with your children, go somewhere else until you calm down: Take a walk. Shoot some hoops.
• To help yourself not say anything you will be sorry for later:
• Chew gum. Whistle. Sing.
• When you come back to your children, calmly explain your feelings.

Remember what you do always teaches your children what to do. If you lash out, your children will learn to do the same. If you do lash out, apologize to your children. “I’m sorry” teaches them what to do if they hurt others.

A good parent does not need to be in the midst of an anger storm in order to be an effective disciplinarian. In fact, only when you are calm, will you be able to affectively model appropriate ways to express anger. Often children get angry when disciplined. As long as you are being fair, it’s o.k. Let them be angry, but you the parent need to keep your cool.

Children need permission to express their anger without hurting themselves or anyone else. Help them to take a time out if they are unable to stop themselves from being physically hurtful. When they are ready, help them talk about their feelings. Letting children get their feelings out is like taking out a splinter before it gets infected.

Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) is a neurobiological disorder that is recognized by the characteristics of inattention, impulsivity and at times, hyperactivity. These are evident from early childhood, are consistently present in the child’s behaviour and other causes have been ruled out by professionals. Characteristics of ADD include:

• Fidgeting with hands and/or feet
• Difficulty staying seated
• Easily distracted
• Difficulty waiting in line or for a turn
• Blurts out answers before question is completed
• Difficulty maintaining attention to tasks or play
• Changes activities frequently, leaving many uncompleted
• Difficulty playing quietly
• Talks excessively/changes subjects suddenly
• Interrupts/intrudes
• Does not seem to listen when spoken to, or loses focus while listening
• Loses/forgets things often (pencils, jackets, toys,etc)
• Does impulsive, physically dangerous things without thinking of consequences

Parenting Tips

• Don’t blame yourself
• Set clear boundaries and expectations. Use natural/logical consequences.
• Model the behaviors you expect from your child.
• Listen attentively. Set up a daily special time to focus on your child and his/her agenda.
• Give positive reinforcement/feedback whenever possible.
• Give one direction/command at a time.
• Allow extra time to complete tasks. Provide frequent breaks, opportunities for movement.
• Post “to-do” lists. Use check-off sheets. Help your child organize projects.
• Be sure you have good eye contact before giving an instruction, making a request.
• Be well-informed and prepared to be your child’s advocate at school and in community.
• Explain ADD and offer suggestions of strategies that work with your child to other adults  (relatives, teachers, coaches, camp counselors, etc). Many people know little about ADD.
• Don’t try to manage by yourself. Work closely with educational personnel, pediatrician, and perhaps seek counseling support for your child and family.
• Frustration, anger, exhaustion-these are common feelings to have. Get support from local parent groups- CH.A.D.D., LDA, your HMO, within your school system.
• Parent training with an experienced mental health professional will provide you with effective strategies to help your child cope better and to enhance your relationship with your child.
• There are many wonderful resources- books, magazines, tapes, websites, support groups-out there to help you and your family.

1. Thought Stopping

• When the worrying thought or image comes, shout “STOP” to yourself.
• Then, picture a big, red, stop sign.

2. Attention Grabbing Tasks:

Tasks must be active and engaging, not passive. Examples include:

• Artwork
• Crossword Puzzles
• Playing a musical instrument or singing
• Build models (e.g. model trains, airplanes)

3. The “Worry Box”

• Set aside specified time to worry.
• Limit worry and obsession only to those times.

4. Write it down!

5. Schedule Compulsions and Worry-Related Behaviors

• Don’t wait until anxiety builds; plan specific time for compulsive behaviors.
• Steadily increase the period of time between worry-related behaviors.

William J. Doherty, Ph.D. advances the belief that good therapists are clinically competent as well as sensitive to issues of moral responsibility. The following is an excerpt from his writing about positive qualities to look for in a “morally sensitive” therapist, along with some warning signs to watch out for.

Read More