When Good
Parents Get Angry
Guidelines
for Managing and Modeling
Anger
with Children
When you are so
angry that you think that you
might lose your temper and hit or
scream at your child
Find a way to
calm yourself down so that you do
not do or say something you will
be sorry for later.
-
Take a few
deep breaths
-
Tell your
children what you are
doing
-
Take a time
out. Go to another
room.
-
Try to do
something with your hands to
keep them busy:
-
Cook
something. Wash a counter.
Clean something.
-
Draw. Write
what you are feeling. Just
scribble.
-
Count
backwards from 10. Listen to
music.
-
If your
children are old enough to be
left alone or if there
is another
adult with your children, go
somewhere else until you calm
down: Take a walk. Shoot some
hoops.
-
To help
yourself not say anything you
will be sorry for
later:
-
Chew gum.
Whistle. Sing.
When you come back to your children, calmly
explain your feelings.
Remember what you do always teaches your
children what to do. If you lash out, your children will
learn to do the same. If you do lash out, apologize to
your children. “I’m sorry” teaches them what to do if they
hurt others.
A good parent does not need to be in the
midst of an anger storm in order to be an effective
disciplinarian. In fact, only when you are calm, will
you be able to affectively model appropriate ways to express
anger. Often children get angry when disciplined. As
long as you are being fair, it’s o.k. Let them be angry,
but you the parent need to keep your cool.
Children need
permission to express their anger without hurting themselves
or anyone else. Help them to take a time out if they are
unable to stop themselves from being physically hurtful.
When they are ready, help them talk about their
feelings. Letting children get their feelings out is
like taking out a splinter before it gets infected.
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